living is my job and my art

unfaithful

2011-11-11T14:53:00.001-08:00

Guys, right now I am Rihanna, singing out to my blog that I don't want to cheat, but I just can't help it!

The time is coming. Wednesday I go into the MTC. We are so close that I even got an e-mail today with my new address in great detail.

I still love you blog I promise, and I still want to tell the world that I am grateful for an evening of class and refinement where the bush clan will be feasting on sushi and going to the symphony, as soon as I throw on my dress, but I can no longer be exclusive; sorellabush.blogspot.com is real and is part of my life, I hope you understand.

See I have pretty tech savvy parents, especially ye olde XY, so they'll be posting my family e-mails to the previously mentioned blog. Follow it! Follow my adventures! Love me! Write me letters! You wont regret it. I promise to throw in some good italian jokes now and then.

xoxo,
sorella whitney sara bush

indoor plumbing, it's gonna be big

2011-11-10T19:30:00.001-08:00

I am grateful for the many modern conveniences that fill by days. A few examples:
-washing machine
-dishwasher
-head lamp
-online banking
-hot water heater
-invisible fence
-blu ray player that streams the internet

(I was hoping for one of Maggie Smith's nice quips about electricity or the telephone, but youtube failed me, and I settled with the swivel chair)

home is where the hearth is

2011-11-09T20:59:00.000-08:00

I am grateful for fireplaces all aflame. Especially when you get a sneak snow attack.

Nothing really makes a place feel lived in and friendly and warm and perfect like a fire in the fireplace. Since my days spent in a real home are winding down, it's nice to spend them as homey as they can be.

Also, I just started Wildwood and the sketches in it are fabulous and I'm pretty sure if I were to ever get a tattoo I'm pretty positive it would have to be this:

Just a colander helmeted rabbit with a pitchfork and a pipe smoking fox in overalls. What a cliche.

shorties

2011-11-08T20:37:00.000-08:00

Title refers to the post, not the subjects, for right now I am grateful for Alice and Lauren. Both of whom are actually quite tall.

Oh man, Alice as totally grown since this late July snapshot.

For those uninformed, Alice is my fluffy puppy. We spend a lot of time together sitting and reading in the front yard or chasing each other around our house. She is hilarious and now quite clean since I bathed her last week. It's just so lovely having an affectionate pup around again. She waggles her butt enthusiastically when you come home and wants to be wherever her people are. I'm really going to miss her something fierce.

Also for the benefit of the uninformed, Lauren is just my bff, nbd. She's been really great at calling me lately and she's always a delight on the phone as we talk about adventures from our roommate days or adventures that will be picked up again in 2013. We still don't talk about how I'm missing her wedding this December, although we have decided a cardboard cutout will need to make an appearance. I'm really going to miss her something fierce.

I could go on in much greater depth, especially in the case of LAT, soon to be LAB, but I promised a shorty and I'm nearing my slumbers.

Here's to loyal and true friends, of any species.

hibernation

2011-11-07T21:03:00.000-08:00

Judge me if you truly feel the need, but I am grateful for mindless television. Just finished the first three (and only) episodes of Once Upon a Time.
My brain, as well as every last bit of me, is preparing to be overused in the coming months by lying low. Very low. In the basement.

what a fool

2011-11-06T20:34:00.000-08:00

Guys, I have a serious question for you. Why have I ever made frosting that wasn't actually chocolate ganache? I feel my life has had little to no meaning up until this birthday cake. (Happy Birthday Momma B.)

Also, who wants to buy me this? 2 day shipping should do I would say, if you act promptly. I just finished season one on Netflix and I need closure! Seriously. I may have to settle with finishing Firefly and count that as good. But I don't want to! I'm a child!

In other news it was a good Sunday. It was nearly derailed by a splitting headache, but the good news is, we live in the 21st century. Hip hip for modern medicine!

I'm grateful for Excedrin.
I'm grateful for British television.
I'm grateful for letters in the post. (here's looking at you RG, BK, RG, CAL/SS and ER featured in my mailbox this past week)
I'm grateful for toe nail polish. (I'm currently rocking the mint apple, which if you think about too much, may make you want to vomit)
I'm grateful for Neil Young's album Harvest Moon.
I'm grateful for my Madison peeps. In this moment especially SS, EF and JN.
I'm grateful for my testimony of the gospel.
I'm grateful for those times when you ask someone how they're doing and they don't say "good."
I'm grateful I'm finally going to learn to really speak Italian.

And in conclusion, maybe if we all wish real hard, this guy will be transferred to Milan and become my bff.

pretty much why I'm going to Italy for the next 18 months

2011-11-05T21:51:00.001-07:00

Excluding the fact that I'm not a Jamaican man.

federal standard of identity

2011-11-05T21:39:00.000-07:00

Right now I am wearing two very opposite shades of gray. I just feel like I should let the world know, and then you can feel like you've made an informed decision on whether you decide to keep reading. (The pants are light gray, and by pants I mean cut off sweats, classy no, and the shirt is dark gray, if that helps.)

Today I took notes on a power point print out for the first time in ages. Jotted down things like why we dye cheeses, why calf stomach is the most popular rennet used in Switzerland, that Parmesan must be aged at least 10 months before it can legally be called and sold as Parmesan, and the name of the amino acid that causes the crystals that form in really good Parmesan. I not only left the Monona Terrace with superior dinner party conversation topics, I also received a book entitled Creating Dairyland, and 8 cheese samples in my belly. Luckily at my cheese maker dinner a few weeks ago I learned the proper way to taste cheese.

This morning momma b and I hit up the last outdoor farmer's market of the year. Let's have a moment of silence. Luckily I only have one Saturday left in this place so my mourning is limited, and I'm distracted by the three kinds of apples we came home with, two from an antique apple orchard. Isn't it amazing those two words aren't paired up more often? They sound great together.

I am grateful for local food. For good food. For food that makes my body happy/healthy.
I am grateful for the people that grow my food. (Including a group of "Gentleman Farmers" as a scrawled piece of card board labeled their booth today.)
I am grateful for broccoli.
I am grateful for my built in book shelf in my room.

I am grateful that my life has always been filed with such excellent people. The cream of the crop, if you will. These ladies were the most recent to hit up out four star accommodations at Chateau Bush. I love them like whoa.

INTERJECTION:
I feel I should paint a picture for you here. Besides the all gray, this moment is comprised of a puppy lying in the middle of my bed, rolling onto her back, and Ian walking by my room to say "good night whit: you are the worst POW ever!!" The mtc is going to be a little boring/take some getting used to after my months at the Chateau.

Similar tangent: Ian and Mom and I can't help but laugh at this ad EVERY time this pops up in the middle of our Bones watching on Hulu.

And with that I'm off to enjoy my extra hour of sleep tonight. Boo yeah sons!

epic birthday squirrel

2011-11-04T11:34:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love Friday? I mean, I know they don't show Sabrina the Teenage Witch anymore, biggest tv mistake, but it's still one of the more popular days I would say. I personally get the joy of babysitting the cutest triplets Friday mornings. I live just houses away from George, Isaac and Noah who are honestly the cutest things I've ever seen. They'll be two in January and they love books, trucks and me. This particular babysitting gig is not for all three of them together. Usually there are two, but because one of them went to a wedding in Utah with their dad, it was just me and Isaac.

We crashed into the bean bag for awhile, played with a few different trucks and an elephant and then found our selves in the rocking chair with a stack of cardboard books. One of our favorites featured a blue truck who had a crew of barn yard friends, including a winking toad. Anyway, another book featured a mirror in the cover which I sneakily used to watch the progression of Isaac's droopy eyes. It wasn't long before I had a sleepy baby in my arms. I was definitely not mad about it. Isaac loves to be held and is a cuddle pro, but being a triplet he doesn't get many chances to sleep in someones lap. I decided to help a brother out, for almost an hour.

It was pretty much the best morning. Then I came home, ate a scone and watched the new Bones. Can I just say I am going to seriously miss that show. I love it.

TRANSITION

I am grateful for Isaac and his brothers and how much joy they get out of everything.
I am grateful for my new dino pencil case.
I'm grateful for flannel.
I'm grateful for prayer.
I'm grateful for pictures and the way the preserve memories.
I'm grateful for bon iver.

Happy Friday err'body.

I've always liked Thursdays

2011-11-03T08:26:00.000-07:00

Today is off to a pretty great start.

I slept in. (Ian and I stayed up too late watching Firefly) I feel asleep last night with a white dog on my bed, but woke up with a black dog. Old black dog has things pretty figured out though and had her head on a pillow. She may be neurotic but she is still pretty cute. Ian and I have a batch of whole wheat lemon cranberry scones in the oven. (Life is pretty great when you have an in with the fresh cranberry biz) Netflix has just shipped the last disc from season two of glee and 127 hours. This book is on it's way to me. (It's been too long since I lost myself in a bit of teen fantasy) And I'm wearing the previously mentioned leggings that I never want to take off my body.

In the world of gratitude, I just have to say, I am grateful for my super awesome new sharpie pens. In a couple weeks you can even write me a letter and I will write you one back with said pens and prove to you just how cool they are.

Also grateful that smitten kitchen seems to have collected any recipe I could ever want and put it on one great website.

Also also grateful for my futon and for all things down, enabling me to sleep like a baby.

puppy baths and first snows

2011-11-02T18:32:00.000-07:00

Today's been a lazy rainy fall day.

I am grateful for my health. I had my clean bill of he;ath handed to me in June, giving me the ok to go on a mission, but felt the need to follow up on a mystery this week. But once again, I have been told all shall be well. Being healthy is the best. The nurse was playing 20 questions with me, and when I told her I wasn't on any daily medications, she was shocked and pleased "there aren't very many people like that anymore." Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty great at swallowing pills, I just don't exercise that right daily.

Also grateful I have a few more days to be a bad influence on lil big bro. He's actually trying to pay attention to the institute class we're in right now. He is also wearing real pants.

Also, also grateful for trader joe's pb cups. Yum.

welcome to november (sung to the tune of welcome to miami)

2011-11-01T20:21:00.000-07:00

Hey guys and gals. For those of you who have been around whitney's blog world for a year (or maybs even two) you know what November is all about. No I'm not growing a mustache. I just talk the chance to be overly sentimental and talk about either singular or multiple things I am grateful for everyday. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I hate that it kind of gets the shaft (since there are already Christmas decorations and commercials scattered around our daily existence, I don't feel the need to prove that point in any depth.) The thing is that this November is going to be different than any other because the Missionary Training Center will be my life in a mere 15 days. But I'm going to get in what I can in the next two weeks.

Today was a pretty good day, so I'm going to give you a gratitude list. I like lists.

I'm grateful for Jenn. When I moved home and was all "woe is me! my friends live in utah, I live with my parents, I have no purpose!" Jenn made me feel like I had friends again. And, among other things, we talked about good food and good music. Today we had a Milwaukee adventure that included many good things including art and a pistachio rosewater cupcake. Yes, you read that right. It needs to be recreated asap.
I'm grateful for ups and usps. For letters and postcards from friends and for patagonia raincoat and leggings that came in the mail today and I never want to take off my body.
I'm grateful for good books and the ability to read and the love of reading.
I'm grateful for wool socks.
I'm grateful for sonicare toothbrushes.
I'm grateful for hulu.
I'm grateful for old school kanye.
I'm grateful for sufjan's come on and feel the illionoise.
I'm grateful for homemade sweaters.
I'm grateful for Wisconsin fall colors and weather.
I'm grateful for gchat and friends that are far away but still like to talk to me.
I'm grateful for art museums and how they always have wood floors, tall ceilings and great colored walls.
I'm grateful for my dino robot shirt I made last week.

I think that's a good jump start on the month. (But I am still BAFFLED that it is already November. Sheeoot.)

a little boo radley is good for the soul

2011-10-31T08:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not one for rereading books. It's not that I don't love to read or that I am often disappointed by the books I read, it's just that there are so many books that I haven't read once that I feel have a right to be looked at first.

That being said I just reread To Kill A Mockingbird, and I am beyond glad that I did.

I don't want this to turn into a book report. I just have loved the past few days that I've been sucked into Maycomb, Alabama. I was severely attached to Scout, Jem, Dill, Atticus and Tom and found myself on the edge of crying several times. But I also decided that Scout and I have remarkably similar brains. (Or maybe this is just an example of how people always try and over identify with characters they love.) But I really don't know how I could/would have lived my life in the south back in then. I felt the same way reading The Help this summer (a book you probably weren't assigned to read in high school so I say to you now, go and read!)

Towards the end of the book Scout talks about how confused she is that her teacher can hate Hitler so much for what he is doing to the Jews, yet she heard that same teacher upon leaving the trial of Tom Robinson that it was time the blacks were put back in their place and Scout asks Jem "how can you hate Hitler so bad an' then turn around and be ugly to folks right at home?" and I wonder that still. How, or maybe why, do we find reasons to separate ourselves from each other? To decide who is deserving of good? At Stake Conference Saturday night someone said that we can never know or understand someone's complete situation, so giving people the benefit of the doubt is a kindness we can and should do for everyone. Assuming we are trying to do our best, why can't the same be said for those around us.

This reminds me of when Charles Dickens explains that Christmas is the time of the year when "men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-travelers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys." And I think I would say that we were fellow travelers to life.

I think that sometimes we get to know people just enough that we suddenly feel we have enough information to judge them, to decide if they're being wise or foolish and to see all the places they could improve. I know I can be guilty of that. But in the spirit of Halloween, I think we should get over ourselves, lest people like the Ewells try and accuse good people like Tom and no one but Atticus and a handful of kids are willing to look past convention and see truth and justice as they should be.

Now stepping off my (maybe slightly incoherent) soap box.

Go eat some candy corn.

happy day before the great pumpkin comes

2011-10-31T07:31:00.000-07:00

17 daze

2011-10-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

I think about things to blog every day.

I could write about how perfect fall is as a season, siting a combination of the way it looks, smells and feels and the food you eat. (cue pumpkin bars with maple cream cheese frosting, or chicken corn chowder with butternut squash)

I could write about the old man that has been sitting on midvale blv a block from my grandparents old house in his wheelchair for years just watching cars drive by. (Yesterday he was sporting a hunter safety orange winter cap with ear flaps and only in recent years has he made the jump from lawn chair to wheelchair)

I could write about how I keep forgetting halloween is happening because for me, it sort of isn't and I cope by dancing in my kitchen by myself to glee's mash up of head's will roll and thriller.

I could write about my 7000th trip to milwaukee this tuesday to get my visa squared away and how I got to see my two long lost cousins and their children (both born and in utero) and then went to the most beautiful old house on the lake and talked to the classiest middle ages italian woman and drooled over the old windows and violins on her walls.

I could write about the shirt I screen printed myself that was supposed to be a dino but the head didn't show so I added a robot head from another screen, thus creating my new motto: when life gives you a headless dino, make it a robot head, or something like that.

I could write about my dear friends that drove across the country to see me. (insert cute pics of us at an apple orchard or short anecdote about how much curry we ate in those short hours)

But instead I go to movies with little bro and get shots in my arms and talk my dog on walks and call old friends and make the previously mentioned pumpkin bars and reread to kill a mocking bird and start packing my suitcases for ye olde mission.

I've got a lot to fit in the next 17 days.

slowpig!

2011-10-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

old news: I love food, I love good food, I love local food, I love slow food.
news flash: I love slow pig, mostly because of this graphic (not the 100 bucks entrance fee)

too cute!
also, yesterday I was a lucky winner (who? me?) and got two free tix to see seth meyers stand up comedy. omg. too funny. later I will be on a quest to find the funniest punch in the face story ever on youtube so you can all also laugh so hard you literally cry and can't breathe.

rubbing elbows with some cheese masters

2011-10-14T08:17:00.000-07:00

The Dining Room

209 Main

Wisconsin Cheese Originals

October 13th, 2011

Raw cheeses with herbed crackers:

Edelweiss Town Hall Creamery Grass Fed Goudas

(two varieties)

Emmi Roth USA Grand Cru Gruyere Reserve

Chalet Cheese Co-op aged Brick

~~~

First course featuring

Edelweiss Town Hall Creamery Grass Fed Gouda

Gouda, crab & potato croquette

over mixed greens with prosciutto

and a creamy truffle dressing

~~~

Second course featuring

Emmi Roth USA Grand Cru Gruyere Reserve

Grilled swordfish

with Gruyere risotto, olive & caper relish

and smoked tomato vinaigrette

~~~

Third course featuring Chalet Cheese Co-op aged Brick

Poached pear crepes

with a savory Brick cheese rosemary sauce

with toasted walnuts

Last night Papa Bush and I dawned some semi formal attire and headed out on a 45 minute country drive to the small town of Monticello, population 1,133, to attend our first official Wisconsin Cheese Originals member event. We settled into this incredible restaurant and joined about 40 other people that basically just really love cheese. (To be more specific, who enjoy really good artisan world champion cheese. Included in the mix were the families of three of the master cheesemakers of the county we were in. Wisconsin is the only state that offers the title of Master Cheesemaker. Despite it being a rather rigorous process, Wisconsin is not lacking in the masters. Maybe someday I'll be a padawan. Plus I sat next to an adorable retired math professor who is an Italian Opera lover.

All in all, it was a successful daddy daughter date.

living on the edge of besties without a cause

2011-10-14T07:16:00.001-07:00

(What would we do without cell phones??)

illusions

2011-10-12T09:22:00.000-07:00

A friend gave me a book for my birthday.

A quick/good read, and at this instant, the most sitcky line to me is this:

In order to live free and happily, you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.

followed by:

Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments of lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.

Happy Wednesday.

I spend a lot of time with myself

2011-10-06T11:50:00.000-07:00

which you know, is pretty ok. It only gets lonely when I'm in the mood for a larger party.

It's kind of funny/egotistical that the human race decided to start blogging and share everything that we think with everyone that has a connection to the internet. Why do I/we assume that people want to know all those things I think about when I spend my days puttering along with limited human contact. I guess I like to assume/hope that the things I think to myself are any of the following:
-original or insightful
-funny in a sort of dumb way
-funny in an incredibly witty way
-similar to things someone else has been mulling over in their head
-something someone hasn't mulled over at all but all of a sudden feels inspired to
-pretty (and not in a vapid new nail polish color sort of way (which you know, sometimes has its place, I mean ski teal we drop? that's a funny color name!) but rather in a the way maple leaves often go from a green reminiscent of spring to dried out daisy yellow to inside of a squash yellow to a baby tiger of orange and sometimes even on to a baked apple red)

or maybe I just love talking about myself kind of how I like talking into microphones.

in other news, less than 6 weeks til the missionary training center in provo is my home.
alice is doing so well and while I don't mind playing nurse and changing her bandages, I do mind being the one to walk her around the yard and introduce her to the invisible fence.
smitten kitchen has done me right several times in the last few weeks, even though tonight I'll be branching out.
I have a new running partner and it's the virtual coach on my treadmill at the gym.
I got to have ice cream with these super cute kids yesterday and was promised drawings when I'm in italy. And if I'm lucky maybe some rhyming stories or classic knock knock jokes where timing is key and sometimes forgotten.

I'm starting to make mental lists of things to do before I leave. Mostly it involves things I want to cook before I leave and the books that I don't want to wait 18 months to read.

Which reminds me of another jumble of thoughts. As I was nesting into my freshly laundered and assembled bed the other night, with my hair tied up on top of my head and my glasses slipping down my nose and I grabbed the top book off the pile on the right side of my bed, which I was going to finally finished if it killed me, and I couldn't help but think about the times junior year where I would read Baking with Julia Child in bed, or this summer as I started to browse books on both the tasting and the making of cheeses. In conversations I've had with other XX's I hear it's not weird to think about the XY you will someday tie the knot with (I hope not because sometimes I even talk to me dad about the kinds of pie I want at my farm wedding reception..anyway...) and I found myself thinking about the kind of guy (hopefully with a beard) that will find it endearing as I read up on liquid vs tablet rennet in cheese making or the glutton cloak hopefully created in the production of the perfect bagel.

wrong, and wrong again..

2011-10-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

Facebook keeps asking me if I'm pregnant and scared. Mark Zuckerberg is being super persistent on the matter actually. I'm not sure why the internet is suddenly so concerned.
Maybe they think dry suit = conception. They couldn't be more wrong.
I'm really quite baffled here.
With that I am off to curl up in my bed with a book and a puppy, neither of which are in my womb, sorry fb.

there is a place that I love, and it is called northern wisconsin

2011-09-29T15:01:00.000-07:00

I already miss it like whoa. Everything is better when you're camping in the north woods. Eating, reading, hanging, paddling, telling jokes, making fires, hammocks, light houses, bear poop, pesto, wearing nothing but long underwear. Now that I've had some time with my plethora of pillows and full size oven and leather couch and lady fluff, I'm ready to go back.

gc&m

2011-09-28T13:07:00.000-07:00

Guys, I freaking love graham crackers and milk. I feel like I'm four and it's snack time whenever I bust them out, but I don't even care. They're delicious, even when I somehow manage to get them in my hair, nbd. Based on this fact alone, I'm pretty sure this kid and I could/should/would be bff.

2011-09-27T20:43:00.001-07:00

Lying in bed I still feel like I'm rocking with the waves on Lake Superior. But I know I'm not in the Apostles because I am surrounded by normal size pillows.

off the grid

2011-09-24T04:18:00.000-07:00

Peace out civilization.
Hello wilderness.

Off to spend some quality time with my boat and lake superior. Hiphip!

ps new blogger photo layout/uploader. i kind of hate you.

what do you do

2011-09-20T16:00:00.000-07:00

So there have been some complications and now it looks like alice will be home tomorrow morning. I just visited her and she was super stoned. But prior to the visit I was wallowing in my worry and really just missing having her follow me around. I had already finished making a delicious dinner hours early and needed to distract myself.

Apparently here are the top three ways I cheer myself up:
- wander whole foods and buy dark chocolate and dried mangos and a few other things
- hit up the sale room at anthropologie
- watch cute videos on facebook, like this

break break your heart

2011-09-20T07:23:00.000-07:00

In this case tiao cruz= alice puppy.

Ok guys, so I was reminded yesterday that loving people/dogs really is the best/worst. Because sometimes your dog is a fluffy puppy who wants to say hi to everyone and sometimes darts out in front of traffic and gets hit by a truck and you don't even realize she snuck out the side door until you hear the most heart breaking cry coming from the sidewalk around the corner of your neighbors house and you get up and sprint barefoot to the spot where she is curled up and screaming and you hold her head in your arms and try and make her understand that you love her more than anything and she'll be ok. And then you ride with her in the back of the car, sliding around, talking her through it because of course she understands english, and hand her over to the professionals at the emergency vet, who are encouraging yet still have to ask you how much money you'd be willing to spend to save your dog if it gets bad.

She's coming home at noon, should make a full recover soon, but that doesn't mean it was easy for me to fall asleep last night.

countdown

2011-09-16T12:13:00.001-07:00

Two months from today I go into the missionary training center.

lazy friday

2011-09-16T08:38:00.000-07:00

Don't worry, with a week left before I take the gre there will be plenty of me with my nose in multiple books today. But fall weather combined with me staying in the comfort of my home, I'm pretty confident it will be hours before I change out of my black leggings, smart wool socks, and x-large long sleeve t-shirt from 1994.

I've just run out of a hot drank. Time to turn the kettle back on.

happy thursday

2011-09-15T15:16:00.000-07:00

movie timez

2011-09-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

Despite my unrelenting cold, I dared to leave my house this afternoon and went and saw Crazy, Stupid Love by myself. It was great. Also, can I just say that Ryan Gosling is stupid hot? Well, he is. Sometimes I forget.

Also on the celebrity crush list right now is Wendell from Bones. Love him.

refined taste

2011-09-08T20:36:00.000-07:00

A little bedside reading.
For those of you who don't read backwards as well as you used to:
Cheesemonger: A Life on the Wedge
Immortal Milk: Adventures in Cheese
Mastering Cheese: Lessons for Connoisseurship From a Maitre Fromager

Things have taken a turn for the worse/better.

In other news, the sound of my father coughing is not unlike that of a dog puking.

Also, mission shoes should be in the mail tomorrow. Is it good or bad that I will have never looked better than when I'm on my mission? I guess I'm growing up and realizing tie dye and birkenstocks just can't be worn everyday. Some days. But other days are reserved for skirts that were on sale at anthropologie and shoes prodealed from patagonia.

listing

2011-09-08T07:02:00.000-07:00

I've really enjoyed making lists lately. Some of them are slightly more incriminating and cannot be shared on the internet. Don't get me wrong, they're funny and great, but yeah, no.

But in order to start today not dreading going to one of my last days at this temp job, I will tell you the things I love this morning.

-homemade granola
-books on cheese making (yes, books. plural.)
-laundry hanging to dry in my backyard
-sore legs
-babies, specifically triplets
-pictures of northern italy
-pictures of hawaii
-fall weather and camping plans
-mission clothes that are so not boring
-the fact that my hair is getting longer everyday
-hot dranks

I think that's good for now. Time to get myself ready. Happy Thursday peeps.

Also, I wonder what it's like to be a dog and know how your pee smells different than other dogs.

2011-09-02T21:01:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had a pork bun so good you wanted to cry? Yeah, me too.

oggi

2011-09-02T16:38:00.000-07:00

Guys, working for the man is exhausting.

But here's my good news.

-I got off at 6 and have the next THREE days off. Boo yeah sons. (with no hw)

-We have a new case of san pellegrino in the basement.

-I've ameliorated my state of distress that bestie Mads is in London and I am in the US of A by deciding in the near future (post mission future) I will find myself living in England. I did some soul searching and found that fact etched internally.

-I'm really great at skyping/ I have some super great friends. Like super super.

-I've been encouraging fall's arrival by expanding my baking to include apples and nutmeg.

So I'm off to bring in the weekend with a bottle of sp followed by some food with the fam.

Peace and Blessings

grounded

2011-08-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

In order to grow, you first need roots.

el temple, one week later

2011-08-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

(click on me, it's much funnier big)

Next stop, Milan.

so funny, sunny

2011-08-27T14:50:00.000-07:00

I just went and saw this movie. By myself. (Much better than my previous solo movie excursion.)

If you live somewhere with an alternative artsy theater, go see it. I firmly believe if the english countryside is not to be enjoyed in person, one must do it on the largest screen one can.

It also got me thinking. They do a lot of talking while eating and talking while driving, turned quoting or singing while driving or eating. Pretty much my life if I were a middle aged british dude. So I decided that when I have my epic road trip with this lady when I get back from the mish summer of twenty13

we must film it. Even if no one watches it but people I know that think we're mildly amusing, it'll be great.

Also I maintain that my dream job is to be in charge of the music between segments of Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me or This American Life.

sacrifice

2011-08-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure that if I were leaving on my mission tomorrow, the two artists I would miss the most would be Bon Iver an Robyn.

Some honorable mentions would include Iron & Wine, Josh Ritter, Rilo Kiley, maybe a splash of Florence & the Machine and then a conglomerate of trashy pop consisting of Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Ne-yo and whatever would make my most recent 30 min dance party playlist. But come on. Robyn and Justin are stealing the show right now.

my people

2011-08-23T22:20:00.000-07:00

The greatest thing about being alive, I would argue, is having the ability to surround yourself with people that you love and that love you. That feeling is sometimes more distant when there are so many time zones to be found between you and your people. But there is no doubt I was literally surrounded when I awoke this morning to a downpour and lightning cracking above my backyard (I'm talking about seeing the lightning in the same moment that you hear the thunder) after not many hours of sleeping between kev and madeline on the double futon on our screen porch. "I haven't been so unsure of what to do with my arms for such an extended amount of time."

But really, people are the best. Especially when you get to eat Michael's frozen custard with them.

I'm a Wisconsin girl through and through

2011-08-16T18:13:00.000-07:00

Here is all the proof you need.

Cheese making 101 here I come!

Plus I have plenty of badger state pride.

fall=joy. duh. (and maybe I'm getting rambly)

2011-08-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

First off, let me just say IT IS 61 DEGREES OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW! THE LOW TONIGHT IS 55. I FELT A CHILL WHEN I LET THE PUPPY OUT TO PEE JUST NOW!

ok, I'm a little excited. fall is the best thing. and fall in the midwest, specifically my southern corner of wisconsin, is the best thing in the world. I haven't seen it in all its glory since 2005. maybe I'm not so mad that I still have another 3 months plus before ye olde mission. not mad at all.

now that I've rounded the bend (which happened near the end of july) and my brain understands that I'm living at home and the rest of me has figured out that that's ok, life is normalizing itself. I tried to make that happen the beginning of june, but turns out somethings just take time. sometimes I regret the weeks I spent on my couch lost in literature, or in my kitchen splattered with various dairy products, especially when I think of all the places I didn't explore, via feet, bike or canoe. I don't really know why, but I'm pretty sure it had to happen. I needed some transition/mourning/ processing/nothing time.

but now life is getting normal and I love it. It makes being happy so much easier. I spent yesterday here:

and then ate a delicious sandwich heaped with juicy heirloom tomatoes. and cookie dough ice cream form the university dairy. maybe the best ice cream in the world. also, I can't remember the last time I had cookie dough ice cream. it was time to revisit some childhood memories.

and then today I planned a dinner party with my lovely lovely friend, while we ate dinner with the fam and watched bones in the basement. (guys, I have friends that live in this time zone. people are the best)

plus my feet are ridiculously happy in these.

oh, and I got some mail from milan, italy yesterday. besides the flock of 15 year olds that now think I'm pretty cool, that was the best part of the week. letters from your mission president and starting to work your way through preach my gospel makes everything a titch more real.

not to mention the fact that I'm going here on saturday and graduating from what I like to call the baby temple.

media

2011-08-12T11:26:00.000-07:00

everyone is posting this everywhere. but I'm back from a week of girl's camp and hanging with 15 year olds in the woods and maybe now that I'm back in the real world I had to watch this clip twice in a row.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Yahweh or No Way? - Mormons & God's Poll Numbers

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

Video Archive

high five a tiger.

vision

2011-08-04T12:37:00.000-07:00

and god said, let there be sight: and there was sight. and god saw the sight and it was good: and god divided the sight from the darkness.

or something like that.

I picked up my new glasses this morning.

it's a whole new world.

excuse the poor lighting in my room. come visit me and you can see them in real life action

three new mottos

2011-08-04T07:47:00.000-07:00

1. ground yourself

2. relax the roof of your mouth

3. committed exhales

seems to be working for yoga and life

ps I made this yesterday. every bit of it from scratch, including the marscapone. wow. just wow. my bites haven't been so small and my mouth so happy in a very long time. I used to complain that ian snagged all the art genes in the family, I think now that I just use mediums that often need refrigeration.

pps it may be painfully sad and make lauren cry whenever she listens to it, but I literally can't stop playing this song.

speaking of lauren, (ppps) isn't it great when best friends find the love of their life and get engaged? and when they spend the last week of their single living with you living the dream? love that/her.

easy peasy

2011-07-31T21:27:00.000-07:00

When I left my recent life behind me in provo I had grand plans of work in dc, vacation in the midwest, and easy transitions. A friend told me to not be hard on myself if things didn't go as expected and if things felt hard.

Turns out deciding to go on a mission, spending months at home feeling somewhat purposeless and leaving nearly all your friends behind, and together, can feel kind of hard.

But there are things that make it easier.

Things like cell phones and airplanes and usps which remind you that living in the modern age has many benefits, including continued contact with people you love.

Things like being brave and making new friends and having adventures and dancing to beyonce at mostly dark gas stations.

Things like going to the temple and praying your heart out for everyone you love.

Things like losing yourself in hundreds of pounds of peaches that need to be frozen and pied and salsaed.

Things like reading bits of harry potter e il prigioniero di azkaban and remembering that in the not so distant future you will be mostly fluent in the world's most beautiful language.

Things like small squares of dark chocolate from trader joe's.

Things like watching the king's speech and remembering when you lived in that country and how someday you will again.

So you see, I'm not complaining. Not anymore.

happiness machine

2011-07-22T23:36:00.000-07:00

I should probably be soundly sleeping, but there's a little too much dr pepper coursing though my veins for that. After a substantial drive back, I am home after seeing Bon Iver in one of the greatest concerts of my life. Really. So amazing. More on that later, probably.

But what I've been stewing on today was something I read while waiting for my pupils to dilate at the eye doc this morning. Despite mother's reading ban, I've started reading dandelion wine in small increments here and there. Today's blip included a man talking about making a happiness machine, and what should be included in such an invention.

SO what should be? With my recent change of heart, the change being pro USPS, I sent a cd and a letter off to a friend back in provo land, but instead of a real letter I included a list of little things that I love. You know, like waking up in a bed that is warm in a room that is cold. Or the call of the Northern Loon. Or the tops of eggplants.

I'm sure a happiness machine could be made of things like that. But I kind of like the idea of it's foundation being constructed out of perfect memories. Perfect because they proved you were alive, or you were with people that you felt nothing but love for in that instant, or the world was right.

Moments like these:

Listening to Blindsided by Bon Iver sitting on a bus driving across Ireland

Lying on a trampoline late at night with Kev, Dallin, and Lauren in Wyoming

Giving Josh Ritter a hug and making small yet real talk with him and Carol Ann

The moment the floor drops out from under you as you descend the only water slide with a loop

Sitting on the front step alone, and reading a letter that tells you you will be spending a 18 months in northern Italy

Waking up to find a puppy under your arm that wasn't there before

Hiking down Ben Lomond and seeing nothing but lakes and mountains and hearing nothing but Roxanne singing "I'll fly away" and the wind that is trying to carry you away

Climbing in the back window of an empty locked house with a waffle covered in nutella and Rachel and sitting on the floor to talk about real life

Watching an old friend marry a new friend

Driving on a dirt road with Eleanor and finding a lake and jumping in

Biking til you find a lilac bush in full bloom and cutting off branches to take home with you

Eating a bagel you just made covered in cream cheese you just made

Walking in the rain with Alicia and being too wet to know anything different

Swimming across a lake in wales with katy and bentley

Dancing with Madeline, always

Opening the door to find Matt with a squishy toy frog

Sleeping under the stars in southern Utah

Watching Harry win and Voldermort lose for the first last time at 2 in the morning with a cheering crowd

Putting on a pair of birkenstocks after two months of only chacos

I'm starting to get sleepy. I think I may continue with this idea later. In the mean time I will deposit several memories of Lauren in Wisconsin into the blueprint of my happiness machine and enjoy my futon.

Sweet dreams.

jane fog: moderate living: friends for life

2011-07-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

You know when it's really winter time, usually around the end of january, and the world is just bitter cold? And you put your hand against the window and the glass sucks the warmth from your body and you wonder if maybe your hand will be stuck there, frozen, forever? Well I am experiencing the opposite of that. I literally just put my hand flat against the panes of glass on our front door and felt my hand warm up. When I got out of the air conditioned car tonight, my glasses fogged up. Yeah, it's summer.

But I'm feeling pretty good. The pictures on my wall are fluttering in the air my fan keeps circling around my room. And really I'm just loving that this is my room. I have a space again and it's all mine.

Let me tell you, moving five years of life into one bedroom is not the easiest thing I've done, but I'm not sleeping in a storage unit anymore. Sure there are boxes of kitchen appliances still stashed in a few corners. Sure my closet doesn't have a spot to hang anything longer than a knee length skirt but that is what the front closet is for, right?

I'm slowly settling into my life here again. This morning, I even set an alarm and went to the gym. After devouring all 520ish pages of The Help over the weekend, mother cut me off from books. Well, more like she strongly encouraged more moderation in my life. I had similar plans for myself so it all works out. Today I signed up for the gre (what? am I really 23 and not 7, maybe 14 tops) and sang "Bye Bye Bye" at a karaoke event. Last night I wrote in my journal. Not just lists of ideas or people or events. I wrote wrote, sitting in this same spot on my bed, in my room.

I have this on my toe nails thanks to a nice girl named jenny.

Mom, Ian and I are tie dying soon. Probably tomorrow.

And soon this will be happening. And by soon I mean wednesday, and by wednesday I mean at 12:39 when I pick her up form the airport.

I'm becoming more comfortable with the idea/ I'm having more faith in the concept of eternal friendships. Dealing with distances, maintaining connections, loving, knowing, living. Life hasn't let me done yet, so I don't expect the people I live to slip through the cracks. I'm not going to let that happen.

Sweet dreams.

family, isn't it about...

2011-07-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

sweeping the nation

2011-07-13T10:35:00.000-07:00

I have many lovely friends. A fact I am almost lamenting now that I am so far away from most of them. But those are feelings for another time. Or for me to suppress as long as I can.

As I was saying, I have many lovely friends. One of them is alicia. Let it be known that alicia is wonderful for dozens of reasons and the one I am about to tell you doesn't even chart on that list really. Last summer alicia introduced me to the greatness of facedown pictures. Oh what's that? You're at a historical monument? Or a scenic overlook? You want to take a picture? Well instead of fixing your hair, checking your teeth and working every angle of the camera, here's a solution. Lie face down on the ground.

(Lauren and I in the seattle moa and the seattle public library)

It's the kind of thing that can really embarrass your mother.

(Me in ORD)

Well thanks to videos shared on fb I see that the facedown is becoming trendy, and to make matters worse, they are calling it planking. Dumb.

This was confirmed to me last thursday when I spent the day with kousin kristin in chicago.

Kristin and I were hanging out in millennium park, taking funny pictures, nbd.

I had already warned her I was going to have to take a facedown picture, and as a good cousin-who-acts-more-like-my-older-sister should, she had expected it.

After casually standing up and brushing myself off a group of three tourists with indian accents came up and asked if I would take a picture just like that for them. Of course I would; and then I became their artistic director. Where should they lie? Where should they face? Which way should they line up. From their camera it was a pretty great pic. Kristin didn't get my camera on fast enough from her off to the side watch point, but you get the idea.

So there you have it. "planking." it's everywhere.

going places

2011-07-12T20:03:00.001-07:00

Guys, I've been graduated for 11.5 and as of today I've finished 15 books. I'm really on top of my game. Maybe I haven't done a lot of things I planned on doing after graduation, but I sure am keeping my goal of reading.

For those of you who view this blog in google reader and aren't able to be fully impressed by my reading list of summer twenty11, here's what we have so far

(keep in mind many others have been started, somehow I manage to be in the middle of several books at once quite regularly)

(also, as I have 4 months before ye olde mission, which means I could easily double this list, I am taking recommendations)

(and now with no further ado, the list!)

1. An Unspoken Hunger- terry tempest williams

2. The Devil in the White City- erik larson

3. Belong To Me- marisa de los santos

4. The Hunger Games- suzanne collins

5. Catching Fire- suzanne collins

6. Mockingjay- suzanne collins

7. Her Fearful Symmetry- audrey niffenegger

8. Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk- david sedaris

9. I Capture the Castle- dodie smith

10. Little Bee- chris cleave

11. A Wodehouse Bestiary- pg wodehouse

12. Cold Comfort Farm- stella gibbons

13. Bossypants- tina fey

14. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo- stieg larsson

15. Slaughterhouse Five- kurt vonnegut

Tonight I think I'm going to reopen a river runs though it, I just have this feeling in my bones that's what's next.

no walls

2011-07-12T07:41:00.000-07:00

(I was conscious for about 30 seconds at 5 this morning. Sadly my blackberry takes pretty shizzy pics. But know it was lovely)

I've started sleeping on the futon that resides on the screened in porch on the back of our house. Almost like sleeping outside only there are no mosquitoes. Two nights ago a firefly even made it's way in the porch and was dancing around next to my bed. Then early that morning there was an epic thunderstorm that a woke up during the middle of and then proceeded to fall asleep again listening to the percussive pounding on the aluminum roof above me. Maybe that's why I'll always love this song.

brainz

2011-07-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. It's now been three days since I opened up my mission call, telling me that I will be spending the next 18 months of my life living in Italy and telling people, in Italian, how great Jesus is, more or less.

It's now been two years since I gave up on the idea that that would ever be my life. I wrote an essay at least 18 pages long where I started out very confused. Why had I wanted to go on a mission for so long if all of a sudden it felt so wrong. By about page 17.5 I was ok. I was remembering that everything would work out as it should.

"I'm now able to tell my close friends that I'm becoming more okay with the possibility that maybe I wont serve a mission. But really I still just don't know. But I do know that my life is good. Actually, my life is great. And God is more involved with the smallest details of it than I even realize and that is a comfort just as nice as the good things that happen in my life daily. "

It's now been 1.5 months since I realized that, while I had thought moving to DC and getting a real job was the next thing for me, I did need to serve a mission. Now. I hadn't considered it as an option in years, but I all of sudden knew without a doubt it was next.

Then Thursday night I sat on my front stoop and opened the letter that would tell me what was to come of my next 18 months. I was preparing myself to see the word "Oklahoma" or something similar. I can't tell you how surprised I was when I read the words "Italy Milan Mission". Nothing could have surprised me more. I had dreamed of that for years, ever since I saw the first pictures of my dad on his mission in Italy. I guess I'm used to the things I want for myself not being the things God has in store. At least not at the time I want them.

The more I imagine myself as a missionary in Italy the more right it feels and the more excited I get and the less I remember to be nervous.

But November 16th is a long way away. So I'm going week by week. Making lists of tasks and adventures and ways to stay sane and things that I love.

And sometimes I think about riding trains and being near the sea and walking on old roads and using euros and buying fruit out of crates and I love it. Love love love. And the I google image search Florence or something like that and I feel like my life can't be real. Can't. But is.

boys and girls are different

2011-07-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I took little brother to see Super 8 at the theater closest to our house. Recently said theater has been bought by AMC and a few changes have occurred which I am not pleased by, mainly they no longer sell Dots, the best movie candy.

So we took the long way to the theater to hit up a walgreens and save a few bucks while enjoying a larger selection. We're running a baby bit late so I stay in the car and send little bro racing into the store. Minutes later he reemerges with three, count them, three boxes of dots. Mind you he already has 2 bags of gummy bears for himself.

( x3)

When I express my surprise at the massive amount of candy just purchased little bro responds

"but I know how much you love dots..."

me: "yeah, but I'm not going to eat three boxes worth!"

lb: "oh"

Sorry LB but I'm not an 18 year old boy and long past are the days where I could even consider consuming such an everest.

btw I highly recommend Super 8. LB and I enjoyed ourselves greatly, kicking back with ourpounds of candy and bottles of san pellegrino. keeping it classy. maybe I've started carrying a large green bottle of said beverage in my pursebag everywhere I go.

mail

2011-07-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

I just got a letter in the mail that started off something like this:

Dear Sister Bush,

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You are assigned to labor in the Italy Milan Mission. It is anticipated that you will serve for a period of 18 months.

You should report to the Provo Missionary Training Center on Wednesday, November 16, 2011. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the Italian language.

My life. Pretty crazy. Pretty great.

lightening bug/ firefly/ Lampyridae/ glow worms

2011-07-06T20:25:00.000-07:00

dear little fireflies all over my yard,

thanks for helping me remember why I love it here.

this girl

2011-07-06T16:48:00.000-07:00

will be my friend forever, and I love that

(this is what two freedom loving people look like right before the fireworks show starts)

laughing and crying

2011-07-06T14:21:00.001-07:00

Hi world, I'm back to blogging at you from the green pastures of Wisconsin. I just had the best 4th of July of my life in none other than provo, utah, my other home.

I took some pictures, mostly awkward candids. I was just too busy living in each moment, nbd.

I'm trying to keep my brain busy thinking about my mission call that will arrive either tomorrow or friday, cleaning this house and the fact that the good people in my life aren't going to disappear just because we don't spend everyday together.

I'm pretty sure that most of the sorrow in my life comes from the ending of good things, and over the past 36 hours I've been reminding myself that it's worth having lovely friends and adventures even if it means inevitable change and in my case crying.

I pulled up this song on my phone during my layover in denver today and I felt like I needed to laugh cry because it's now the soundtrack to dancing under fireworks, biking to jump off bridges into rivers, laughing in dark abandoned apartments, drinking gator dew, learning to throw a baseball and everything else glorious from the past days/daze.

fud!

2011-06-27T16:26:00.001-07:00

excuse the backwardness, but let it be written and let it be heard, we're having food, also known as fud, for dinner. hip hip!

cheese and strawbs

2011-06-27T12:37:00.000-07:00

A great thing about graduating, besides no more classes in the blasted marb, is that people that have been apart of my life for rather a long time are resurfacing and appearing in the form of thoughtful notes of encouragement and congratulations.

One particularly lovely lady floated in Saturday night with exploding gummy penguins from trader joe's as well as a note that I should tattoo on my body to remind myself of all the good I can do with my life. The front of said note was a quote that I have always loved by emerson. Sometimes life examining quotes of this nature tend to wax towards the cheesy side of things, but this one, I believe every words of it.

To laugh often and much;

to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and to endure betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

That is to have succeeded.

There you have it. The above is fact. Promise.

Speaking of facts. Here is the current condition of my kitchen. What started as over 21 pounds of strawberries picked this morning by myself and friend chloe is now

-8 quarts of sliced, sugared, ready to be frozen strawbs

-2 baking pans of fruity leather

-1 exploding pie

-enough berries to leave the men of the house happy for a day or two as I fly to utah tomorrow for the 4th o' july and momma bush is wind rivering it up currently

evidence of the decapitation/ strawberry massacre twenty11

jet lag = THE WORST

2011-06-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

Guys, I am not tired. And I hate that right now.

My main dilemma right now (which will make the difficulty of my life apparent to you) is this:

I am in the middle of maybe 4 different books right now, the page turner of the lot being the girl with the dragon tattoo. I started it in SFO on our way home from hawaii and am maybe half done. All I want to do is read it. But science tells me that if I am reading I can not be falling asleep/ sleeping. Not such a bad problem except that the hour is now past 1 am and there is hot spicy cheese bread calling my name at the farmer's market tomorrow that I must go to before my hiking adventure with christopher and sarah at 10. Waking up is going to blow chunks regardless since it will feel like 3 am but I'm just making it worse not being asleep now which then makes me slightly anxious for how tired I will be and thus makes the falling asleep even more difficult. Barf.

Despite this current sleep related struggle of mine, hawaii was so worth it.

Exhibit A: snorkeling (maybe I almost swam into a mondo sea turtle once...)

even if exhibit a image 1 (seen above) resulted in exhibit a image 2 (pictured below) (my face covered in mask lines and lots of sand) it was worth it

Also, it's freaky pretty everywhere. And the view is super great from a zip line.

guys, I went to hawaii

2011-06-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

And it was pretty great. Super great actually.

And as I came home to 101 blog posts in my google reader I was reminded of how sucky I have been at the whole having a blog thing in recent weeks. Here is my commitment to change my ways, now that I am no longer stranded on a tropical island.

Pics will come with time. My camera gave up the ghost so I'm going to try and save what is left on the memory card and then get a hold of papa bush's cameras.

Now that you know I am alive and back in the midwest, some quick updates sans visuals:

I just found out the my freshman roommate is engaged to be married. I love this lady and it breaks my heart a little bit that I will be at girls camp that week and wont be able to make the temple ceremony in bountiful, utah.

I turned 23 on monday! It's been a few years since I've celebrated the glorious day of my birth with the fam, and this year we did it right

-3 mile run listening to tina fey read bossypants

-zip-lining adventure!!! including a quick dip in a freshwater swimming whole mid forest

-fresh pineapple, fresh coconut, fresh pineapple

-snorkeling with monster rainbow fish

-peeing in the ocean

-fancy fish dinner

-well wished from the beautiful people in my life via text and phone

-intense viewing of air force one, man harrison ford is a man's man, man.

-guava juice

in conclusion, I really can't complain

and here's some newsy news. I was going to wait a bit longer to unveil the latest change in my life plan, BUT, all my paper work has been submitted for me to serve a mission for the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. pretty cool/big/crazy stuff. my life never ceases to amaze me. in the next few weeks I'll be getting a large envelope in the mail telling me when I'm leaving and where I'm going for the next 18 months of my life. place your bets! make your guesses! I think my top pick right now is Mongolia. but now I just play the waiting game. (the jet lagged waiting game, let me just say I am NOT a fan of flying west to east.)

I never win anything

2011-06-11T10:14:00.001-07:00

but sometimes I enter contests anyways. one of these days it could be me, right?

check it.

puppy love

2011-06-10T10:51:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that as of tomorrow afternoon, little bro and I will have both done our graduating of the year, we're having a little return to childhood day. At least that's what it feels like.

We both slept in and I'm still in my sweats. I made us delicious peach pineapple smoothies and have spent most of the morning on the couch reading with the puppy coming and going.

(She really is too cute)

The 90 degree weather is GONE and it's a balmy 59 and sort of cloudy and I'm sort of loving it. So Ian is making butterscotch pudding, which will alway feel like the parents are out of town for a long weekend, before we go down to the basement to watch an episode of Cadfael. I totally have a thing for medieval monks.

Also, why is the spelling of medieval SO counterintuitive, so dumb.

Anyway, two days from this instant I'll be on my first plane heading here.

No complaints. Last night we even took our traditional go-buy-lots-of-books-before-vacation trip to the bookstore. Left with some treasures, most excited for The Confederates in the Attic and Cold Comfort Farm.

And now mother has just called me and reminded me I need to do some laundry.

Fare thee well!

counting

2011-06-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

Despite my relative absence from the internet world, life continues on, proved by the fact that in 6 days I will be flying to Hawaii.

And then I will look something like this for 10ish days.

In other news I've been struggling to hold onto my sanity by reading obscene numbers of books and cooking for my family delicious foods such as rosemary and sea salt bagels with chokecherry raspberry cream cheese or pork tenderloin with leek apple cream or cream of asparagus soup or whatever else you can think of.

Also enjoying that summer is here by making appearances at the farmers market and the drive in movie and biking around various lakes in madison.

Despite the fact that I lack purpose and that sometimes causes me to writhe in confusion and frustration, most days I manage to normalize myself and have some sort of adventure. And sometimes I even do dumb things like go on a run in 94 degree weather, thank the heavens for trashy pop music (I'm talking to you justin bieber, lady gaga, usher and nicki minaj) or I would have just given up the ghost in the middle of that idiotic excursion today.

And now here is some proof that I went to san diego. I will slowly catch up. Not nearly as quickly as rox, that's for sure.

so much good ideas

2011-06-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

So many good ideas today and it's only 9:36

-buy a baby pool for puppy to play in

-find baby mama for 5 bucks while checking out with aforementioned baby pool

-make an omelet filled with leeks, spinach and goat cheese

-listen to rilo kiley's album under the black light

-read I capture the castle on the screen porch

if things keep going in this direction, today should be pretty more than ok

so behind

2011-05-31T21:05:00.000-07:00

who knew that with college being over it would be even harder to find time to blog...

but I'm back in the glorious 608 and quite tired after a long but good day. Irealize california and idaho have had zero representation on my blog, same with the end of provo livings. But I now have my laptop and camera cord and everything else good and needed for electronic documentation of one's life, so for now, as I prepare to drift off into peaceful slumbers, here is why I was in moscow (of the idaho variety)

soooooo cute, am I right? simon's bro quinn and mother emilie had something to do with it too, as did father farley, but mostly because he was absent, which meant I got to help juggle babies while he was away on business and then he came back and it was his birthday which meant I had to make these

(the process) (the finals)

but really, I am going to sleep now guys, promise, really

oh hey childhood, that's where you've been hiding, on youtube!

2011-05-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

Thinking about my trip to new york, is gonna be good.

Also, I'M HOME! Which Alice reminded me of when she climbed into bed with me this morning. Puppies are the best.

the distant future

2011-05-24T13:18:00.000-07:00

it's come to my attention that I need one of these

not a bird house, but a wrap around porch; if it's good enough for a house finch, it's good enough for me.

also, I'll probably need to learn to play a stringed instrument, for the summer evenings I will spend with my friends/family on said porch.

maybe I'll even be able to find a state with limited mosquitoes and plenty of fireflies to live in.

facts=science, facts about me=whitneyology? (part i)

2011-05-23T22:27:00.000-07:00

My favorite time to accidentally look at a clock is 12:34.

I don't like eating cold apples whole, but I like eating them in slices.

My right eye sees a little worse than my left.

I'd rather wash the dishes than put away clean ones.

I hate talking to strangers on the phone whether it's finding out what time a store closes or trying to cancel a gym membership or changing a flight.

I never got in a kayak last summer but that will all be fixed a week from today!

20 days from today I'll be on a plane to hawaii (!!)

I love asparagus but I almost always forget how funny it makes your pee smell every time I eat it.

I've wanted to get my nose pierced since I was 8. Thanks Maddy.

The only candy people should really eat at the movies is a box of original flavored dots.

I just started reading a book called "made from scratch: discovering the pleasures of a handmade life" and I'm making grand plans for this summer including homemade bagels with homemade cream cheese.

I am confused by people who don't wear their seat belts.

I have shoes that I wear regularly that range from size 8 to 9.5. How can the shoe world be so inconsistent? I know it's not me. Promise.

Last week I had to pick one animal I wanted to see above all others at the san diego zoo. I said the giraffe. It was a good choice especially considering the 2 month old they surprised us with.

Once I had a fish tank so I felt obligated to have fish. I had three: fernando (named for the abba song) jude (beetles) and brutus (he didn't belong as well) and I hated them.

I love things that glow in the dark.

Once I found a toy platypus on the banks of loch lomond. I still have it.

Fresh basil may be the best smell in the world.

I like to hold onto something when I sleep. Usually it's a teddy bear.

I hate the moment right before you jump off something tall but love the moment right after.

3 in 4

2011-05-22T23:57:00.000-07:00

OK, so I did it. Just finished the hunger games series.

I had planned on finishing all three in three days, thought it had a nice ring to it, but then I was busy hiking in washington, making nutella cupcakes, playing with babies, and buying asparagus at the farmers market. I'm not too mad. Four is respectable I would say.

BUT MAN I can't believe it's over. Definitely cried through much of the last chapter. Definitely a bit sad I don't have it to read tomorrow. I have some wendell berry waiting, but it doesn't have the same page turning affect.

So I should get some sleep now that I'm not glued to anything. There is to be more baby juggling tomorrow, and some sea salted butter cream frosting that wont make itself.

time warp

2011-05-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

Remember yesterday when I was 17 and going to Prom?

Well turns out I blinked and Ian is 18 and going to Prom

Pretty sure he's still supposed to look like this

But I guess this isn't too bad either

sometimes I work out

2011-05-18T13:38:00.000-07:00

today it was to the tunes of:

The Edge of Glory- lady gaga

Take a Minute- K'naan

Far Away- ingrid michaelson

Breakin' Up- rilo kiley

Jumpin' Jumpin'- destiny's child

Eternal Flame- the bangles

Somebody to Love- justin bieber

Born This Way- lady gaga

No One's Gonna Love You- band of horses

Take You Down- chris brown

Blow- ke$ha

Pretty Girl Rock- keri hilson

Run- vampire weekend

I Am Not A Robot (The Shoes Remix)- marina & the diamonds

It's a beautiful day in Moscow Idaho. I'm eating cold pizza and preparing to finish the last 80ish pages of my book. And then I think I will read the hunger games, I feel the time has come, and all three books are staring at me every time I walk through the kitchen.

8-5

2011-05-17T16:38:00.000-07:00

So my life in limbo continues.

I'm trying really hard to be perfectly content.

Here are the great things going for me right now:

I feel like I live in a treehouse. In the house I'm staying in in Northern Idaho, nobody lives on the top floor. Nobody but me right now. My bed is way comfy on a frame that looks like it should belong in a cabin and the view from my window looks through a thicket of trees and onto miles of green beautiful fields. I've been spending a fair amount of time curling up reading in my little treehouse.

Everything is green and wonderful and live. And the lilacs are starting to bloom. I think they are my favorite flowers.

After I helped the little ones get out the door this morning I had plenty of time to read my book, wash all my clothes, shower, paint my toenails, watch an episode of glee, walk down to the local co-op and eat some delicious gingery soup while reading more of my book, walk back home, read more, sleep a bit, talk to mads on the phone, talk to the rents and here I am, on the couch, watching an episode of the office. 8-5. The hours I have to myself.

I do well by myself. Sometimes it feels good. But it only really feels good when you know

a shift of being alone ends with

or something like that.

San Diego was a dream. I can't wait til I'm at home and can upload all of my pictures from the last few weeks. But anyway, hanging with my carrie was part of the dream, as well as her hilarious and wonderful children. Even the 10 yours driving there and back were great, because I had the chance to talk over everything I've been thinking and feeling. About finishing college moving away from my utah home, moving to my wisconsin home for a while, looking for a job in the real world. Basically lots of ends and beginnings all at the same time.

But at this very moment there is nothing. Just me, 8-5.

I'm trying really hard to be perfectly content. But when I have no one to talk to, it makes it worse to think that everyone else is just keeping keeping on.

But now it's 5 and I have children to entertain.

resting

2011-05-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

I'm in san diego and it's 9:23 and I'm lying in bed. I just took a hot bath to warm my chilled body and rid myself of sand left over from an afternoon in my swimsuit at the beach, but didn't get my hair wet- the best of both worlds. Or maybe the best of all worlds. I'm blogging from my phone with my second book of the day lying open and upside down on page 24 on my stomach. Sometimes it feels good to be graduated from college.

some good things about my mother

2011-05-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

she reads to me

she encourages me to have good personal hygiene

she makes delicious bread

she sends me unexpected texts of interesting yet never crucial information

she tells me that she loves me

she washes the sheets on my bed whenever I come home

she knits beautiful things

she stretches herself and learns new things

she chooses the right colors to paint our house

she takes her own bag to the grocery store

she wears the summer best skirts

she walks around town with weights in her backpack to get ready for her backpacking trip

she lets me buy funny things at the grocery store and then cook them for her

she likes pedicures

she likes to hear about my adventures later but lets me live them in the moment

she likes to play in the snow

she tells me I am beautiful right when I seem to need to hear it

she lets me lean on her even if she complains about my head being too heavy

she likes to be outside

she reads slowly

she has green glasses

she wears birkenstocks

she loves god

she does family history

she knows the pythagorean theorem and quadratic formula

she is so funny every new years eve

cerebral

2011-05-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

Today I found out my head is 23 inches in circumference. Same as three of my friends who were in the room as the measuring took place. There were a few bigger heads, some smaller, but on average I would say our heads were bigger than 57 cm, which according to answers.com is the average size of a head.

I think we just have extra big brains.

But really, today has been a perfect follow up to my first real day of summer. I spent nearly every part of yesterday outside in the sun on my bike or in a swimsuit of barefoot at a park. It was entirely full of good things and very good people.

Today was much slower. And it's been raining. For awhile. After church, a phone call to my mother, some left over bits of a cafe rio salad and a nap on the read couch, my day mostly consisted of processing and synthesizing many thoughts happening in my head and talking about them with a few choice, wise individuals.

Some of the processing happened sitting on a porch watching the storm roll in. Hours of it were spent walking in the rain soaking wet but not realizing I was uncomfortable. Other hours were spent over a small mug of mexican hot chocolate made with almond milk dipping a gingery cookie into said mug. And finally there was much talking on a very comfortable old leather couch.

But one thing I'm realizing is that while I have a pretty excellent memory, it often falls short in three rather devastating ways:

-how movies end

-what happens in books I've read

-the fine details of real and extended conversations

I'm hoping one of the features of heaven will to to be able to go through and relive/remember/watch on an old film strip of conversations/moments that have not been properly remembered as they most likely deserved.

So I guess what I'm saying is that even though my skirt that is drying out in the closet of the room I am sleeping in tonight is still wet, I'm already forgetting things that I said or were said to me today. I think I can give you a sum up of some of the better (for me and my sanity) moments.

First we have a bit of a paradox: our existence is built around the concept of progression which cannot happen without other people. it is impossible to understand someone as completely as you understand yourself, yet the more that you can forget yourself and learn to love others the better you become and the more aware of yourself you are.

(I'll give you a quick warning/spoiler... nearly everything I talked about today came back around to the fact that we can't know another being the way that we know ourselves and that it is our challenge to learn and love and forgive and trust despite that fact)

Second: forgiving people is truly the most beautiful thing. It's maybe my new favorite thing. I'm realizing that it's more for me than anyone else and I'm letting go of the need I've felt before to let people know when they've wronged me and I've forgiven them. I think there are times when lessons can be learned from such conversations, but more often than not I just feel the need for my hurt to be known and understood which I think shows that I really haven't forgiven them. Especially as I get ready to leave provo I don't want to do so with any burned bridges if I can help it, even if the other person never realized how decimated that bridge was at a point. I am forgiving and it feels great. But forgiving is not the same as forgiving, just as loving the good in people is not the same as ignoring their faults.

Third: In the process of becoming more trusting and less scared some of my mistakes/choices/decisions have been more exposed than I am used to and while I was feeling foolish I've recognized the things I needed to learn from the whole process and I'm not embarrassed and I am grateful for friends, who because of our human nature cannot fully understand what I've felt/thought/done/wanted/realized, have chosen to not judge me for those mistakes but rejoiced with me in the lessons learned.

(shoot, that sounds much more testimonial than intended but my sleepy brain doesn't see a way around it at the moment)

Fourth: I'm grateful for the ability to see the good in people and love them without entirely ignoring their faults but excepting them and learning the difference between a wall and a boundary and building them where they are needed.

I feel like my blogs are getting more longwinded and less coherent. Maybe it's time I return to the personal essay now that by days of undergraduate studies have come to a close. (read: now that my time isn't sucked up by tons o' busywork)

Anyway, just doing some more processing. Thinking about the biggest "ah-ha" moments of the last few years and the last few days. Thinking about what exactly in means to have faith in the future and if in doing good we can really make bad decisions. And remembering that I'm only 22 so it's ok that I don't know what I want to do with my life.

facts of life

2011-05-06T17:27:00.000-07:00

This girl had her last day of work today.

This girl is officially homeless and unemployed, yet somehow quite content.

This girl drinks a lot of water and is somehow still thirsty most of the time.

This girl has been riding a bike barefoot all week and loves it.

This girl loves the freckles on her arms.

This girl read a book for fun on a trampoline in the shade of a large tree this afternoon.

This girl ate a delicious tri-tip stake today.

This girl just bought four lemons at the grocery store because something has to be done with the three bags of cranberries she found in her old freezer.

This girl wants to start collecting old maps of the cool places she goes. And maybe even the not as cool places.

This girl hasn't bought any kind of apple besides pink ladies for the past five months.

This girl is eating a spinach salad with tomato, cucumber, and pink lady and washed none of the aforementioned food items.

This girl couldn't be happier that her nose freckles are coming back in full force.

two thumbs way up

2011-05-05T10:43:00.000-07:00

I just googled "I feel great" and this popped up. Sums up how I feel pretty well, except I've never been able to do a cartwheel in my life. Shooooot.

Yesterday I spent the day taking soil samples in rush and skull valley west of here. Beautiful. And so nice to be outside. The freckles are coming back!

So I came home, climbed in the window of the spare room I'm sleeping in, took a shower, listened to justin bieber pandora, cooked a delicious dinner, washed all my dishes and clothes and read my book on the front lawn for awhile.

When I get off work today I'm biking over to get a facial. Later I'm getting cake with rachel and kristin and then probably watching jurassic park for the first time ever. Why has it taken me so long? No idea. But for now, I'm going to keep running the total N machine and eating my gluten free pretzels. Delicious.

Life is pretty swell.

reclaim my soul: check

2011-05-02T08:40:00.000-07:00

This weekend I went back to my favorite place in utah, where I haven't been for three years.

Sadly my camera chord is somewhere here, along with almost everything else I own, so recent pics wont be up for another monthish, after I return to the promised land.

Until then I'll just keep living out of this green backpack and rewashing the two dresses, one pair of pants and few shirts I have with me.

Also, for much of the weekend I looked like this

because during the two days I spent hiking I drank over 250 oz of water. Yeah, hydrate of die.

And finally, I am pleased to announce,
I finished book one of the summer
and started book two.

Only current complaint: these muscles on the outside of my legs feel like they're exploding after the several mile sin deep sand we hiked to get out of the canyon and then to our car. Barf.

graduate from college: check

2011-05-02T08:23:00.000-07:00

Remember how I graduated? I even have photographic evidence and personal witnesses. Ask my family, they were there.

And so were the roommates/besties

But now it's really official, even ask America because I apparently love her so.
Freedom!

to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield

2011-04-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I'm at work I get rather pensive.

I've been given the task of finding a pattern to a box of 200+ soil samples, seemingly labeled randomly at first, order said samples, write them in our receiving book along with conversions to our labels and then label them. Brice assured me that I would forever be remembered for this critical work. Maybe I'll even get my own wikipedia page, fingers crossed.

Anyways, the point of that was to illustrate for you the silent hours I've been spending alone at a desk in the basement of the widb.

Everybody I know keeps asking me how I feel, and for once, I'm at a loss for words.
I feel funny. But that adjective seems like a cop out. How would you expect me to feel? Last week, in a matter of days, I took my last college finals, boxed up 95% of my possessions which are most likely in the back of a ups truck, walked across the marriot center floor and got handed a fake diploma, scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees, said good bye to my home of the last 2 years, and began the process of saying goodbye. Goodbye to people, to walls, to moments, to 5 years.

I feel funny.

I'm thrilled and proud. I did it. All the words that I typed into office 2007, all the dr peppers I drank in the library, all the times I handed my id card to a testing center worker, all the vertebrates I dissected, all the grasses I keyed out, they meant something. I like to pretend that graduating from college doesn't mean much these days, everybody's doing it, but I'm telling myself that that's wrong. That I did something hard and good. And the things/people/classes that have happened in the past 5 years aren't the peak, but the springboard for the rest of my life.

I'm nervous. I can't stand on the brink for much longer, but the truth is, I am certain of nothing once I fly back from nyc on july20th. I guess I should say the facts are uncertain. I know some of the things that are coming from a place I would call my soul, but the things that I think are what I want or what I will do aren't enough to find me a new apartment or a real job unless I make a real decision and starting buying stamps and printing off resumes. And then I get nervous I'll go the wrong way.

To keep my brain in check I've been watching movies on netflix as I wade through these centrifuge tubes of soil. This morning I came across a movie called one week which I had previously never heard of. Premise: terminally ill joshua jackson buys motorcycle and drives west (in canada) to find the meaning in his life.

I think about the caliber of my living quite regularly. Am I really living my life? Am I taking advantage of every moment? Would I be happier if I was doing it differently?

Combine my transitional state of homelessness and impending unemployment with my inclination to constantly reflect and analyze my current position physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and then strive for spontaneity and adventure, and the ending narration of the movie spoke to my soul:

"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

I think it's time to jump.

closing time

2011-04-20T12:56:00.000-07:00

Yup, this is happening. I'd say 80% of my possessions are now in boxes in my living room (the last things to go are going to be my glow in the dark dinosaurs.) I took my last final yesterday morning and then in the afternoon I dropped off my senior portfolio on the way to pick up my cap and gown so that I can parade around like a goober for the next two days. But at least I will do so with on Lauren Toiaivao by my side, along with a few other besties that are graduating.

I've been listening to a little ke$ha, between sprits of josh ritter's album so run's the world away and the weepies, which are both making me a bit nostalgic for last spring, which is slightly foolish but I just can't help it guys. Life is officially moving on, I'm just savoring these last few moments in provo land, like one of my favorite truffles from whole foods that you can't chew but have to let melt on the very middle of your tongue. You have to.

So right now in the middle of my tongue sits my trip to boise with carol ann and chris rains and backpacking trips through southern utah and driving up the alpine loop in the dead of night with lauren and kev and dallin and making garbage bag dresses with madeline. And everything else.

So yeah, in case you were wondering, life continues to move forward, despite my joys and fears. Now cross your fingers real life wants to give me a real job.

classy lady

2011-04-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

nbd. just sippin' out of a bendy straw. studying for finals. reading about personality traits of octopuses.

cheers.

belated

2011-04-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

I am currently in one of my favorite spots in Provo.

My room. More specifically, my princess and the pea bed.

I'm pretty tired.

Today was kind of long.

As the first day of reading days I was required to spend the hours of 7:30-4:00 on an animal husbandry field trip. Spent some time in a turkey processing plant, a turkey farm and a sheep farm all near Moroni, Utah. Saw things like a building filled with 9,000 baby turkeys- poults, a giant conveyer belt transporting dead turkeys in the process of being gutted or decapitated (not a bad as I thought it would be, that was a slightly dramatic explained) and the birth of twin lambs.

I spent the next few hours smelling like farm and doing important things like buying purple lipstick, hot chocolate date with grandma, dinner with roxanne, gym with sydney and after a shower I even made an appearance at spencer's art gallery opening thing with rach gil. I then resigned my exhausted body to packing up a few boxes.

So now I'm lying in bed and processing. My room is starting to be less my room, with empty drawers in the dressure hanging open and piles of clothes waiting to be sorted to see if they'll be needed for the backpack I plan on living out of for the month following graduation. My time in Provo is arguably in it's penultimate chapter.

Yesterday was a big day. I had my last class at byu (read: class of my undergrad) AND dad turned 49.

Somehow even lying here, looking at a string of empty skirt hangers I can't quite believe that I never have to sit in a lecture in the marb again.

That's not possible.

That's my life.

And somehow, in my little frazzled brain, it seemed somehow perfectly balanced that I finished college on dad's birthday. Kind of like how when dad was 36 ian was his square root. (maybe we like math. what? maybe when I was in third grade my converses were held together by laces exclaiming how much I hearted math.)

Anyways. Happy Belated Birthday Pops.

I had some pensive moments yesterday, thinking about how it's been five years, about how I'm an adult, about how the dorms seems like a lifetime ago but then how the last 2, maybe even three years, have flown by. I was thinking about how even though I can't believe I'm supposed to get a real job now and do things like (I'm guessing here) take vitamins and have health insurance and use listerine, that somehow it feels like what's right. And then I got to thinking about how wrong it would all seem if I didn't have the parents I did.

49 sounds so old/young to me. (Sorry pops?) But then I realize I'm almost 23, and besides live his life, dad has given me mine, and I'm realizing 23 years is kind of a long time. So I think that means I'm saying 49 is starting to sound like nothing.

I've had early onset nostalgia for awhile now, having moments where I already miss the life I'm living. Moments where I look around my house and remember the great things that will never happen again. And then I packed up my books and found a photo album with the camping trip we took over my 18th birthday and remembered how Ian was 2 inches shorter than me when I left for college and how now he's a man. And I remembered that even though I haven't been in madison for the past 5 years, the world has continued to turn. Bathrooms were redone, puppies were adopted, masters programs were started, businesses were run, ACTs were taken, first dates were gone on, governors were picketed and lives were lived.

Sometimes it's hard to have such a great life. It's hard to not miss every moment that you can't have again. I know the next thing will be great, I really know that. But right now it feels too abstract to think about how I'm ok that I'll never be roommates with Carol Ann again, or to think that I don't know the next time I'm going to drive up the alpine loop when the aspen's have turned to gold. My constants are slipping.

And then I think that it's going to be ok, because wherever I go, I'll still be me, and that's what I want to thank the rents for, specifically dad, in this belated birthday post. Because I'm realizing it's not everyone that can be so contentedly happy living their life wherever doing whatever because they are not contentedly happy with who they are.

People always talk about how you can never return what your parents have done for you. Usually they're talking about the years of shelter and food and clothing and tolerance. But I think that's not much when compared to the intangible. Compared to the fact that

-my dad loves my mom

-my dad loves me

-my dad loves people

I think everything can stem back to one of those things.

That because of him I've learned that people can fall in love and stay in love and be good to each other and be themselves but need that other person more than anything and they can grow and change but keep on loving.

Because of him I know how to smile and I know how to entertain myself. I know how to try and be quick witted and be happiest when we're all laughing together.

Because of him I know how to be interested. How to apply what I learn from class, novels, traveling sales reps, conversation and inner delving to my life to keep trying to be better. To keep being interested.

Because of him I know what it is to feel unconditionally loved. To feel like someone can know everything there is to know about me and love me completely and never want me to be anything but me. To somehow want me to never change but always encourage me to be better.

Because of him I know how to love people. I would say not just the easy people but that is contrary to what I'm trying to say. I think it may be more appropriate to say he taught me how easy it is to love every variety of person, because without the variety life would be very boring and we would miss out on too much.

Because of him I thrive on adventure. I feel like there is nothing I can't do, no place that is off limits. That there's nothing wrong with actively living your life and there's nothing wrong with doing that under the open sky and not a ceiling.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, happy birthday daddy, I love you too.

Now stop being sick so you guys can drive out for my graduation.

pleaseandthakyou

crushes

2011-04-12T23:23:00.000-07:00

I'm working on a 5 page stewardship paper at my dining room table listening to andrew bird and drinking water out of an amber glass. I would rather be asleep and I firmly believe that stewardship papers never need to be more than two pages. But I have found some beautiful things on the internet.

First let me tell you that I have the biggest intellectual girl crush on Terry Tempest Williams. She uses words in a way that makes me jealous and writes about things that I've been passionate about on some level since I was a small red-headed child.

"The story of the Utah prairie dog is the story of the range of our compassion. If we can extend our idea of community to include the lowliest of creatures, call them 'the untouchables', then we will indeed be closer to a path of peace and tolerance. If we cannot accommodate 'the other', the shadow we will see on our own home ground will be the forecast of our own species' extended winter of the soul." or how about "Our kinship with Earth must be maintained; otherwise, we will find ourselves trapped in the center of our own paved-over souls with no way out."

Shoot.

Not to mention she's beautiful.

Now let's throw in an old dude crush. One Aldo Leopold.

He somehow summarizes my whole paper in 34 words “We abuse land because we regard it as a commodity belonging to us. When we see land as a community to which we belong, we may begin to use it with love and respect.”

Not to mention he was one classy dude.

They remind me why I am passionate about the causes I have and the things I car about and the value in striving where perfection is impossible.

Speaking of, sometimes I wonder what parts of me make me who I am. Example: are the genes that give me red hair really somehow linked to the fact that I live my life passionately and find myself easily caring deeply and wanting to fight for what I believe? That's what people that don't actually know me that well like to tell me. Or was it just my wisconsin upbringing filled with top notch dairy?

I can't know.

So I'll just write this last page and crawl into my bed (already flossed, don't even worry about it) and wake up for my last day of undergraduate classes. Real life? Yes. My memory foam mattress pad has been calling my name for hours, but I owe it to Terry and Aldo to finish strong. And I probably owe it to the last five years of my life too.

the wall

2011-04-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

First, watch this:

This is, more or less, me. (minus the last 35ish seconds) A funny British dude.
Well no, not even close, but I've hit a wall.
At about 9:30 this morning.

Maybe I only have four more classes to attend in my college career. Maybe my to-do list is getting a lot smaller. Maybe I even started packing all my shiz up yesterday. I could handle some more packing. But really, I just want to go home and make this. Maybe watch the end of this. Maybe just lie in my bed, looking at these, because my body just hurts from not getting enough sleep. And then when my body doesn't hurt and my melted brain has re-coagulated, do this (I'd be majestically back lit the whole time, of course.)

We'll see what happens on the walk home. I may have to take a bike ride to the state liquor store. For the soup of course.

a cyber commitment

2011-04-10T22:35:00.000-07:00

I'm recommitting to my gums, among other things, like my enamel and the part of the tooth called the neck (I had no idea such a thing existed)

And I have high hopes that telling you (plural and unknown) will keep me honest and focused on the goal at hand. No that's not finishing the last three days of class or my finals or graduating from college, just my dental hygiene.

(Too many animal pictures? Should I spend less time on google image search? Too many primates on my brain, or rather too much primate grooming and hierarchical shiz on my brain?)

the day is a lot longer when it starts at 4:50

2011-04-06T09:44:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up nice an dearly and biked through the dark and empty wet streets of provo to make sure I made it to campus by 5:30. I then hopped into a brand new tacoma truck and drove a couple hours with my ornithology professor and two other students to henefer, utah. Just outside of the town of about 600 is a lek for the endangered greater sage grouse. We pulled up and could easily see dozens of male grouse wading through the snow that should be melted by now. I guess the season is getting started a little late. But that didn't keep them from strutting their stuff in search for a mate. More than strut really. It's incredible. Especially right after the sun has risen and the mountains are partially crowded in clouds.

keep on keeping on

2011-04-03T18:55:00.000-07:00

Hi.

I just watched this

maybe I did a little of this

That movie combined with the rest of my weekend filled with dozens of people that I love, delicious food, birch beer and malt ball (singular), conference, a night in carrie's guest room, and not a moment of worry about school (despite my entirely impossible upcoming week) my insides feel like

I think it was the nature of conference that had me extra reflective this weekend. I think I have some essays to write.

But I am hopeful.

This era of my life is ending, but what comes next, from here on out, will be good. Hard but good. And I'm recognizing the power in moving from good to better to best. I don't think I've often processed the ability I have to chose to put aside things that are good for hope that the better and best is to come. (I think that would be faith.)

But I just did that. And it was hard. I had to decide again and again. And it was at least a little bit hard every time.

And now that I've made the final decision I feel so good. I guess a more paralleled accurate phrase would be that I feel great. I can't even tell you.

So with that, this weekend comes to a close. The next three days will be impossible, but then I'll be on the home stretch and then I'll be graduated.

Yes.

the animal in you

2011-04-01T13:46:00.000-07:00

today in my animal behavior class we were talking about animal personalities. pretty cool stuff.
but we started class off with this little test.

we had one girl volunteer to take the test as an example, and when we found out she was an otter our teacher read through the summation of her, and therefore, an otter's character. after every sentence, give or take, he would express how completly ridiculous and impossible it was. that being said, most of the class couldn't wait to leave and take the test themselves... including me.

the options aren't great, so I keep going back and switching around my answers to other fitting responses. maybe I'm a penguin? here are some of my favorite phrases/ made up assumptions that would surely make my teacher slightly enraged.

It's that black and white thing: the penguin only reveals the side that it wants to you to see. So whether you like this darling-devil or not, you have to concede that it's a fascinating and enigmatic individual.

With their misunderstood personality, penguins find writing an ideal tool for expressing their true feelings.

or maybe I'm a wild dog? or a sheep?

the more I read these the more ridiculous they are, and completely unlike any human being I've ever met. that being said, you probably want to find out what you're inner animal is. right. now.

benvenuta primavera

2011-03-31T08:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I slept with the window open.

(Castle on the Isle of Wight)

(Maybe I miss it over there a little bit)

wise words from the glass man

2011-03-30T10:19:00.000-07:00

CA, mads and I decided it had been too long since we a) watched amelie and b) chilled together on our red couch. So last night was the night. I worked on a final draft of my resume and letter of application (yeah that means I will be sending a real resume to the real world tomorrow...anyway) and we all camped out in the living room for a couple hours.

I adore that movie, truly. Besides being beautiful, I love movies that cause you to wonder if you are living your life as fully as you are capable.

With that in mind I liked what the glass man says near the end:

So, my little amelie, you don't have bones made of glass. You can take life's little knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton.

One more beautiful thing for you to celebrate being halfway through the halfway mark of the week. (Class ends two weeks from today....think about it...)

4973

2011-03-29T11:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, in my 13 hours in the library, I wrote 4973 words.
Words like:

Looking specifically at the grooming patterns of primates, this paper will provide insight into how hierarchies exist in the primate world and how the behaviors or primates reinforce the existing social structure.

Or maybe:

A dry period also exists and is the time when the cow rests to prepare for the next lactation. Here she generates new secretory tissues in the udder as well as regains her body weight, the period lasting roughly 60 days.

And while we're talking about cows:

One of the more popular (beef breeds) is the originally Scottish breed, Angus. They were first brought to the States in 1873 by a native of Scotland that was living in Kansas.

And finally:

During their months in their breeding territories, the common loon can be seen exhibiting a series of behaviors associated with mating. Bill- dipping is one of the first preliminary displays were both the male and female bird will, first randomly and then in unison, dip their bills in the lake to eye level and then remove them again, all the while remaining 1-2 feet apart, totalying somewhere between 10 and 20 dips.

This is (my) real life people.

In other news, now that those 4,973 words have been typed and turned in, or will be in a matter of hours, I'm back to list making.

I can't stop. In my 9:00 class today I made a list of all the non finals things that need to get done. And then in my brain all morning I've been making a list of spring/summer adventures. Like Yosemite, doesn't that sound nice before I venture over to the other side of the Mississippi? We shall see. One list at a time. Well that's a lie. I keep making these:

For real and fake reasons.
And then I start doing these:

And not I keep finding crumpled voodoo dolls all over my house. It is still yet to be discovered if they are having any effect on the real world. I'll keep you updated.

remember how I'm still in school?

2011-03-28T07:41:00.000-07:00

yeah, sometimes I forget too.

one research paper. 33.8 fluid ounces. five hours. go.

;( (really, it's funny, try it)

2011-03-27T21:02:00.000-07:00

I have funny friends.

With special guest...

hating tuesdays

2011-03-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

I think I've figured out why I hate Tuesdays. They mean nothing to me and I do nothing that means anything to me. 2/3 classes I have are almost always a complete waste of time, yet I feel obligated to go. Work has had few pressing soil sets and little variation. Maybe the highlights of my day were eating leftover Moroccan food and sending a letter to England.

I hate a little bit that every day is a countdown til the end of the semester because I am beyond sick of the chaotic monotony that has turned into my class schedule, but I'm counting down to the end of my Provo life, which, pardon my repetition, I am not ready to leave. I'm ready for the next adventure and living my life because I'm pretty sure it will only get better; I don't plan on peaking at the age of 22. But the problem with having 8ish papers/research projects left is that it leaves me minimal time to work on my resume and send it off to a an imaginary man in washington dc. And the longer it takes me to do that the longer it takes me to get a real job and the longer I have in limbo.

And limbo terrifies me.

I'm excited to have time to read/think/write/create/believe/notice but I'm scared of having no structure and no friends and living in the house that hasn't really been my home since I was in high school. And high school was years ago (read: high school was identities ago)

And now I'm sitting in a prep class for a study abroad I'm not going on and part of me wishes I could go back to two years ago when this was me and I didn't have to make hard decisions and I was about to go on the greatest adventure of my life and learn to articulate my soul into the english language and learn to live each moment like it mattered because it did and I didn't want to miss anything.

And since it's tuesday, and I hate tuesdays, I'm hating this nervous feeling more than ever and hating that I feel like I wasted a day that could have been great but I just didn't know how to make it so. And john bennion just saw me here and smiled and I almost want to cry.

music (giveaway??)

2011-03-22T12:33:00.000-07:00

I love making mix cds. It's a great distraction from final projects and shiz because I love so much music and the people said cds are usually made for.

So who wants to help me procrastinate? I'm willing to tailor to almost any musical persuasion, the exception of course being if you like crappy country songs talk-sung by some dude who loves his "gun."

So holler at your girl, leave a baby comment and I'll see what I can do. I'm even willing to (probs) mail them out.

my name is simon

2011-03-21T10:02:00.000-07:00

I'm realizing that my last post was slightly dramatic. So here's something to lighten the mood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5W8EBHNsLc

I had a lovely weekend.

doggone

2011-03-17T08:21:00.001-07:00

It's a baby hedgehog sort of day.

Another good internet distraction today is looking at the line up for the bonnaroo festival line up. Srsly, it's making my brain explode. I have to get myself there.

Today is going to be a day of digesting. There are once again too many thoughts in my head. Without divulging all of my life to the internet I'll say this. How do you deal with something that you always sort of half expected to happen but sort of hoped wouldn't and you sort of deserve it because you knew it would happen but really you don't deserve it at all at all?

In other news I took the last midterm or my undergraduate career yesterday. Boo yeah sons. Now to start picking off all the research projects and papers that have to happen in the next 4 weeks. Barf.

As my dear friend AH said to me recently "you can do hard things. you're built for it. I promise."

So with that I will now kick today's trash. Can't stop me.

I think today is going to be a Mumford & Sons, Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros and Old Crow Medicine Show sort of day.